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A secondary thought on a slightly different tangent
In my experience and conversations with submissive men, I find myself bothered by a line of logic used to separate D/S relationships from all others. The people with whom I speak, take the liberty of placing a greater importance on what I've been discussing as the basic foundation of ANY healthy relationship, simply because the D/s dynamic is placed on top of it. It is as if to say, since we are into this lifestyle, we are somehow nobler, more critical, and more important than others who have not chosen it. Perhaps it's human nature to want to believe ourselves better than the other guy, but it just isn't automatically so. I have heard it said that things like trust and communication are more important in D/S relationships than those that are more "vanilla". On one end of the spectrum, the argument follows the lines of, "when your life depends on it....". On the other, "you need to communicate your desires with your partner when you're into D/s".
First, let me address the arguments above. To my eyes, the former argument is geared primarily to BDSM relationships; most likely those based on scenes with people we may or may not know well (I do not include cyber here because these relationships are not directly physical enough to create a true danger above and beyond what one is capable of inflicting on oneself). Here, the use of "safe words", selection of partner, and heightened perceptiveness may well be 'life savers'. However, in a lifestyle D/s relationship based on True Submission, such an argument does not hold water. In a lifestyle D/s relationship you would not expect your partner to harm you any more because you have submitted. You do not need a "safe word" when the relationship is based on a strong standard foundation, especially if the definition of submission is finding pleasure in the happiness of the dominant. How can a submissive possibly need a safe word when his focus is on 'doing for' and anticipating the needs of the dominant?
Note: Some may argue that if the happiness of the dominant is to harm the submissive, this theory is not valid. I argue that, even in a vanilla relationship, if you are involved with a true sadist, you're in danger whether you submit or not! If your partner's idea of happiness is subjecting you to hazardous, abusive and potentially lethal situations, it's not about D/s, it's something much more serious...GET OUT!
Secondly, the latter argument, that you need to communicate better when you're into D/s, is misguided as well. As we have discussed at length above, EVERY relationship benefits from good, open communications. Being in a D/s relationship is no excuse to suddenly focus on communications...and certainly, if you're not in a D/s relationship, that's no excuse for not communicating. It may be true that people open enough to discuss D/s with their partner have already come to grips with the importance of communication, but it is not the lifestyle choice which makes this attribute as critical to the success of the relationship as it is. It is the nature of all relationships.
My love,
Rika
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