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Nawa Shibari
"I feel His own soul react as I reach into myself
to give Him back some tiny portion
of what He has given me."
First, for those unfamiliar with the terms, shibari is japanese rope bondage. It can include a shinju which is tied around the torso, a sukaranbo, which is basically a crotch rope, a karada (rope dress), or any combination of these and other ties. These ties can be used to hold the sub into place, to accentuate her feelings of sensuality or vulnerability, to restrict her movement, and in suspension among thousands of other ways.
The first time Daniels roped me it was sexy. I was put into a basic shinju and sukaranbo and teased mercilessly. The experience was simply meant to be fun while showing me a little of what the ropes were like. The next weekend He suspended me for the first time. I was so uncomfortable in the feeling of vulnerability in His ropes that I struggled against them instead of allowing them to envelope me. Again, it was "fun" but I was so focused on keeping myself together that I didn’t allow myself to experience the power of the ropes.
Daniels spoke to me about it afterwards. We reviewed what had happened and discussed my feelings. He also started to teach me about the ropes. Through patience and His unending honor, He taught me to trust in the ropes and to revel in the helplessness found within them. He taught me ways to help me keep my balance and to control my breathing. He showed me little things that become second nature so I no longer focus on what is happening to me and instead let myself just feel.
I have come to love His ropes, aching for the moment they’re put on and missing them when they’re removed. He says the biggest problem He has now is keeping me from dropping so deeply into subspace before He even has me bound completely. There is a freedom to be found within the ropes that I had never dreamed of. They confine while allowing me freedom to move, and they enhance my own sensuality, holding me tight and allowing me to give up everything to Him. Within His ropes, I know my every movement is His to control, that I am helpless and vulnerable to this Man.
But even more than the ropes, shibari incorporates a whole lifestyle. Shibari is consensual D/s in its truest form. I give up every right to Daniels, but only because He has earned my respect and trust. He does not demand anything of me, and would want nothing of me that I don’t give freely. In the time we’ve been together, He has taught me to give of myself in ways I didn’t think were possible. He demands nothing of me, but rather commands my submission through what I myself want to give Him.
The goal of shibari is not punishment, nor is it control as many westernized D/s’ers seem to practice. It is a mutual effort of the Dom and sub to build the best, closest relationship possible. There are no safewords used, scenes are not negotiated, and the concept of "safe, sane and consensual" is not vocalized. Instead there is an honor to be found within the Dom to respect the sub and ensure no harm comes to her in exchange for the total control she gives Him.
To many, shibari may seem extreme. Bondage and suspension can be torturous and painful. In addition, deep humiliation is often used, and the sub really is the Dom’s "object" to be used as He wishes. But this is all used to break down any false inhibitions between the sub and Dom and is never meant to be harmful. Instead, it diminishes and eventually removes any barriers between the two, forming a bond and dependence between the couple that is indescribable.
Daniels and I are still in the process of learning each other and tightening this bond. His integrity ensures that this is a long-term process. As my attachment to Him and respect for Him grow, I find myself doing things for Him without Him even asking. He tells me what He likes, and I find myself wanting to do them. Not because I fear His reaction if I don’t, but because I crave His reaction when I do. I constantly find myself in new situations with Him, and I can almost see the bond between us strengthen as I give more and deeper of myself. I hear the change in His voice as I give yet another portion of my soul to Him. I watch the smile on His face as I learn to hide nothing from Him. I feel His own soul react as I reach into myself to give Him back some tiny portion of what He has given me. And I feel myself continue to search for ways to please Him further.
We all have our own definition of what submission means to us. I have been with someone who simply wanted to control my every movement. I have given myself to someone who forced me into deep "submission" by fear of punishment if I screwed up. And I have known the pleasures to be found by being taken to new heights when I was physically pushed past any false modesty and allowed myself to find a place where the only thing that existed was the sensations of the moment.
But before this Man entered my life, I never knew the joy to be found in submitting simply because this Man has so thoroughly earned my respect and trust. And because I know I reach unexpected depths by following His lead and holding nothing of myself back. I cannot imagine a truer form of submission for myself than what He is teaching me. And I can only look forward to learning more.
© 2000 laciee
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