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A letter I received recently, and my reply. The writer's name was changed to protect his privacy.
Hello Ms. Rika,
I was reading articles on the internet about power and control ( from a sociological perspective ) when I came across the use of male chastity belts as a form of control. This topic interested me and I started wondering about chastity belts practical use in the long term. I liked your site because your viewpoints seemed to be based on realism and pragmatism.
I may get married soon and my future wife is very anxious about me having affairs with other women (maybe because she knows that I used to have many girlfriends in my youth or maybe its just her psychology, I don't know.)
What makes things worse in her mind atleast is that my job requires extensive travelling, mostly national, and requires me to spend some time away from home. She is worried that I will use this freedom to have casual flings. I have tried to reassure her that I won't but she is still worried.
Since you seem to have alot of experience in this area I was wondering what advice you could offer on whether or not a chastity belt would be an effective solution to our problem. I have heard that if it is to be of use in the long term then it has to be expensive and high quality (for comfort and a decreased risk of my being able to take it off without her knowing)
I don't mind having to wear one if it will keep her mind at ease and I don't think that she will be averse to the idea either. I am worried however that giving her the keys to my chastity belt would shift the dynamics of the relationship and put too much power in her hands. (Sometimes she does try to control me) I was also hoping if you could tell me if my wearing a chastity belt help to give her the reassurance she needs. Any input you could give would be much appreciated.
Thank You
Jeremy
Jeremy,
Thank you for your compliments regarding my writing :)
I probably don't have the answer you were hoping for. I don't recommend use of a chastity device as a means of ensuring fidelity in a marriage. Additionally, if your wife cannot trust you without such a device, I question why she wants to marry you in the first place.
Chastity devices are great fun and can be used in a variety of ways, however, trust is a cornerstone of a relationship and cannot be physically or artificially enforced.
Before you get married, you need to face yourself in the mirror and answer this question honestly, "Am I willing to impose SELF discipline for the good of my marriage and perhaps one day my children?". If you cannot answer that question selflessly, then don't get married.
One other observation regarding the "Shift" of dynamics in your relationship: By using a chastity device in the way you describe, you are not shifting power to your wife, you are effectively shifting the RESPONSIBILITY of your fidelity to her. This is selfish, lazy, and ill-advised.
I would suggest discussing this with your fiancee. Trust is something you earn through your actions. You have to convince her with your deeds.
I realize this isn't the kinky - fantasy solution, but you came to me because I offered a realistic and pragmatic approach...and you got it!
I'd be happy to continue this dialog...keep me informed!
- Rika
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